My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you made out with another girl for some wings
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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