My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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