He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
