Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
