did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
