this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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