Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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