I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
