Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
