when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
