turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
