hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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