Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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