well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize