my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
