i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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