Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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