My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
