Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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