I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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