A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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