Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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