No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
two words: eviction party
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
