Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
