Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
