and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my sisters under your porch take her home
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
