my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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