There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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