I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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