its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
