I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
