I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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