Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
