I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
