Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
two words...techno handjob
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
