So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
