You're my little dorito
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
