look no pants
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
