Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
