Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
