my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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