i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
