So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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