Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
