Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
