WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
