if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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