You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
