So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
