what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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