Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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