Christians are straight up FREAKS
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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