Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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