he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
