I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
