Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
