if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
