apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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