so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
