There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
