Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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