i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
