Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
