our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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