I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
