my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
