she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
