You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
