Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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