Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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