your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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