So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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