So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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