Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
