Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
