Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
