96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
