It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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