I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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