he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
two words...techno handjob
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
