i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
