When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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